Married With Ninjas
by gorutovssageta
Summary: Naruto and the gang are assigned to protect a family in Chicago from... chickens. What would happen if the worlds most dysfunctional family meet Naruto and the team? Find out in this fanfiction! Rating may change. Rated T for language.
1. Naruto, Meet the Bundys!

New Fanfiction with the greatest and most dysfunctional family in history! Prepare for Naruto and the group to meet Al Bundy and Family as gorutovssageta presents: Married... With Ninjas! I do not own Married... With Children or Naruto.

"Time for some R&R!" Naruto Uzumaki screamed loudly as everyone on the train he was riding gave him a sharp look. Naruto put his head down slowly as Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, and Kakashi Hatake all looked at him with an annoyed look.

"Do you have to be the loudest on the train Naruto?" Sakura whispered as Sasuke nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, calm down bonehead," Sasuke whispered as Naruto shook his head no.

"We are going to Chicago!" Naruto shouted as Kakashi set his favorite book down at looked at Naruto with annoyance.

"Would you kindly shut the hell up?" Kakashi asked as he picked his book back up and buried his face in the book.

"Kakashi-sensei is such a grouch," Naruto muttered as he looked outside the window again. "This place is too amazing to be upset!"

"We aren't here for play Naruto," Sakura reminded him as he looked out the window. "We are here to protect a family from... something. Kakashi-sensei, did the mission actually say what we were protecting these people from?"

"If I recall correctly, the request said chickens," Kakashi answered as he continued reading.

"We are going all the way to this place to protect a family from... chickens," Sasuke asked with an eyebrow raised as Kakashi nodded.

"Don't complain, this is the only mission that was available," Kakashi said as Sasuke and Sakura groaned, Naruto paying no mind to all of this.

"Wow, I think this is our stop!" Naruto shouted as someone on the train groaned.

"Thank goodness for all the people on the train," Sasuke said as they all got up and exited the train.

"So where is the house at Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked as Kakashi pulled out a sheet of paper and looked at it.

"It says the only house that has rain pouring on it when it is sunny outside," Kakashi answered as Sasuke and Sakura looked at him with a confused look.

"Is that it?" Naruto asked as he pointed ahead and there was indeed a house that storm clouds loomed over, the house looking depressing.

"This should be interesting," Kakashi said as he looked and a beat up Chevy was driving wildly in the street. He grabbed Naruto and Sasuke and pulled them out the way as the car went into the driveway of the beat down house and a beaten down looking man stepped out the car. He walked up to the front door and sighed sadly as he looked at the door with a sad expression. He pulled his wallet out his pocket and stuck it into his sock as he swung the door open and a red haired woman was sitting on a old looking couch, eating some type of chocolate while watching television.

"Good to see you have been cleaning Peg," the man said to the woman as he closed the door and sat down on the couch with a loud sigh. "Do we have any juice left?"

"Yes," Peg answered as the man got an excited look.

"Well, go get it Peg!" the man shouted as Peg paid him no mind. "Fine, I forgot Oprah was having a marathon about how woman could send their husbands to the grave faster. I'll just get the juice myself." Peg didn't reply, just continued to look at the television. The man walked up to the refrigerator and pulled it open, nothing in it but a M&M and a something in tinfoil that was moving. The man slammed the refrigerator shut as he walked over to Peg and looked at her with a stunned look.

"Peg, I thought we had juice?" the man asked as Peg finally looked up at him and smiled.

"Oh hi Al, when did you get home?" Peg asked as Al sighed and sat back down on the couch, not saying a word.

"Hey dad," a voice said as a blond haired girl and a dark haired boy came downstairs, smiling as they seen Al. They both held their hands out as Al slapped them each high fives and turned away.

"Sorry, but that isn't money dad," the boy said as he sat down on the couch. "Look, I got this really hot babe coming around six and she is sure to put out if I have a little money, so can you help me out dad?"

"Bud, let me give you a little advice," Al said as he looked back at his son. "If the girl is going to put out for a little money, she obviously isn't right for you. So you should... did I just see a hooter on that woman on TV?"

"Yes, listen to the shoe guru here Bud," Peg said as Al looked at the TV intensly. "I wish I could have been the type of girl that would only fall of a man with money back in the day. I wouldn't have ended up with shoe magee here."

"But Peg, you were the type who would put out for a ride to the bus station!" Al shouted as Peg gave him a annoyed look.

"Daddy, I need some money cause I have a date with Bone Crusher tonight," the girl announced as Al sighed.

"And I'm sure Bone Crusher sounds like a wonderful kid," Al said sarcastically. "But the answer is no young lady. Kelly, you can't be going out with all of these losers!"

"Yes, please try to do better than me dear," Peg said as Al looked at her with an annoyed look. Suddenly, their was a small knock on the door as Al got up and opened the door, Naruto, Sasuke, Kakashi and Sakura at the door.

"Are you tax collectors?" Al asked quickly as Kakashi looked at Naruto and Sasuke and they all shook their head no. "Are you charity or here to get my money somehow?"

"We are Konoha Ninjas," Kakashi said slowly as he looked around at the house. "We were sent by the 5th Hokage to protect your family."

"You mean that was real?" Al asked with a bewildered look. "I just filled out some paper that I found in the back of a Big Un's."

"A what?" Sasuke asked as Peg got up and smiled at them.

"You don't want to know," she said as Naruto and Sakura looked at each other. "I'm Peg, this is Al, and those are our children, Red and Kelly."

"That's Bud," Bud said as he shook his head.

"Whatever," Peg answered as she motioned for Naruto and the gang to come in. "Please come in. I wish I had something to give you, but on my husbands salary, we are lucky we have a place to sleep."

"What do you do?" Kakashi asked as Al scratched his head.

"I'm in shoe sales," Al answered as Sasuke and Naruto tried to hold in their chuckles. "So what are you supposed to do here?"

"We stay here and protect you," Kakashi said simply as Al and Peg nodded.

"Sounds like you are freeloaders," Al said as Sakura shook her head no. "Why are kids ninjas for? Are you just some homeless bums that came here to stay? Cause if you are, I'll take your box and I'll give you the house, the wife, and throw in the kids."

"We are just here to help sir," Naruto said as Al sighed.

"Come on in then," Al said as he sat on the couch and thrusted his hand down his pants.

"Al, we have company," Peg scowled as Al ignored her.

"This will be fun," Kakashi sighed as he looked at the situation. '

Naruto and the gang have met the Bundy's! How will work out? Find out next chapter!


	2. The Shoe Ninja

Welcome to the newest chapter of Married... With Ninjas! Last time we left the Bundys, they had just met Naruto, Kakashi, Sasuke, and Sakura. I wonder what the Bundys will have Team 7 do... LOL, find out now! I do not own Naruto or Married... With Children.

As bad as the first day seemed for Naruto and the gang, the second definetly upped the fun. As Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, And Kakashi woke up, the first thing that they felt was the cold of a Chicago morning, after sleeping in the Bundys garage. They made their way into the house for breakfast, as they spotted Al, Bud, and Kelly sitting at the table with empty plates.

"Hey, what's for breakfast?" Naruto asked as he pulled up a seat. "I'm starving after the night I had."

"Yeah sorry, I've been meaning to install heat in the garage," Al replied as Kelly and Bud snickered. "As for breakfast..." Al stood up and picked up the toaster and began to shake the crumbs of remaining food inside the toaster onto Bud and Kelly's plates, Bud and Kelly looking at it with a disgusted look.

"Toaster Leave In's again?" Bud asked as Al shrugged and shook the toaster harder. Naruto gaped as he watched this, Kakashi, Sakura, and Sasuke not even knowing what expression to make.

"We don't have enough for all of you, so your gonna have to go without," Al said as Naruto turned and looked at Kakashi, who shrugged.

"What about lunch?" Sasuke asked as Al, Bud, and Kelly laughed.

"What lunch?" Al asked as Kelly and Bud continued to laugh.

"Dinner?" Sakura asked as Kelly an Bud fell from their chairs as Al pointed at Sakura and laughed as well.

"She wants dinner!" Al screamed as he laughed out loud, Sakura looking at him with an eyebrow raised. "Peg doesn't make dinner! Peg doesn't do anything but ride me like a sleigh to a early grave!"

"OK..." Kakashi replied as he looked up at the ceiling. "So where do you want us to go with you today?"

"Well, one of you can go with me to the shoe store," Al replied with a hopeful look on his face.

"Not it," Sasuke said as Kakashi and Sakura repeated him. Naruto looked at his teammates with an agitated look as he turned and looked at Al.

"I'll be going with you to the shoe store," Naruto said in a depressed tone as Sasuke and Bud snickered at the same time.

"Hey, how about you and your boyfriend come with me and Barbie Man to school today?" Kelly asked Sakura as Sakura turned bright red.

"Me and Sasuke?" Sakura asked as Sasuke looked away. "I will accept that mission..."

"I don't care either way," Sasuke replied as Naruto laughed. Sakura looked at Naruto and decked him in the eye, Naruto grabbing his eye as he looked at Sakura with an annoyed look.

"So that means that I will be...?" Kakashi asked as Al looked at him with a serious look.

"You will be looking after the Red Couch Monster that manifest itself on that couch around the time that Oprah comes on television," Al replied with a grin. "Have fun, and do not allow her to shop on that dam Home Shopping Network! I would understand if you need to assassinate her..."

"I don't think that will be necessary," Kakashi answered. "We will do our job the best we can." The door suddenly swung open as a man and woman both wearing business suits walked in, looking at Al with stern looks.

"Look who it is, Steve and Big Bird's cousin," Al teased as Steve and Marcy looked at Al with disgust.

"Thanks for the introduction Al," Steve replied as he shook his head. "We just came over to ask why our paper always seems to disappear in the morning. Do you have any idea why that might be?"

"No clue at all," Al answered as he opened up a newspaper and began to read it. "Are you still even getting it? It's probably that dam paper boy..."

"Al, we know you are taking our paper!" Marcy shouted. "We just came to ask you nicely as neighbors to not steal our paper!"

"Who are these people anyway?" Steve asked as he pointed at Naruto, Sakura, Kakashi, and Sasuke. "They aren't acting like barbarians and don't smell, so they can't be your relatives."

"We are Konoha Ninja," Sasuke replied as Steve and Marcy looked at each other in unison.

"Is that some sort of banking organization?" Marcy asked as Sakura shook her head no.

"We are helpers for hire basically," Kakashi explained as Steve and Marcy chuckled.

"And you are working for the Bundys?" Steve asked as Marcy laughed. "You must be a non profit organization, because you won't see a dime from these people!"

"The shoe hound here is a shoe salesman, he told you that right?" Marcy asked as Kakashi nodded.

"Have fun living with the Bundys!" Steve said as he guided Marcy out the door. "Good luck to you all!"

"Ah, forget about them," Al said as he took a spoonful of crumbs and placed it in his mouth. "We have a big day ahead of us! Hey, kid with the blond hair!"

"Naruto," Naruto corrected. "Yeah?"  
"Do you like to make fun of fat woman?" Al asked as Naruto shrugged.

"I like to do practical jokes," Naruto replied as Al got a devilish look on his face.

"Good, then you can help me torture the fat woman today," Al answered as Naruto nodded with a small smile.

"Sounds kinda fun," Naruto thought as he shook his head.

The battle between Naruto and Al vs. Fat Women begins next chapter! LOL


	3. Let's Go Crazy!

Welcome to the newest chapter of Married... With Ninjas! I do not own Married... With Children or Naruto! R&R!

As Naruto entered the shoe store with Al, the smell of women's feet and minimum wage flowed through Naruto's nostrils. Al sighed deeply as he switched the close sign to open and sat down on a small foot stool. He put his hands on his face and sat there for several minutes, Naruto looking at him with a bewildered look.

"Um, what do you actually do here?" Naruto asked as a large woman walked into the shoe store.  
"I place hooves on elephants," Al answered as he looked up at the woman and began to sob softly.

"What's his problem?" the woman asked Naruto as he shrugged. "Well anyways, I need shoes. Which one of you is going to help me?"  
"I can help you find a weight loss center, but to help you find a shoe for that jurassic foot is another story," Al replied as the woman looked at him in shock, Naruto giggling softly.

"Why, how dare you!" the woman bellowed as she looked at Al. "I should report you for this!"

"I should report you for overeating," Al replied as the woman scuffed and walked out of the store.

"That is what I do every day," Al said with a grin as Naruto grinned back.

"I've got the next one," Naruto replied as another woman walked into the store and started browsing. Naruto slowly picked up a shoe and threw it at the back of the woman's head, the woman turning around as Naruto turned away as well. The woman looked at Al skeptically as he pretended to be occupied with something on his shoe. Naruto then picked up another shoe and tossed it at the woman, the woman turning once again and looking around angrily. Naruto held in his laughs as he threw another shoe, the woman turning and looking at Al and Naruto with annoyance.

"OK, which of you is throwing shoes at me?" the woman asked as Naruto and Al shrugged.

"It must be all of the weight that is in the room that is making the shoes travel off the shelves," Naruto replied as the woman looked at him with confusion. "Basically, when you came in, the room lost it's gravity and all started going towards you."

"Is that possible?" the woman asked as Al laughed.

"Yeah, when you have a hippo in the room!" Naruto shouted as the woman looked at him in shock and walked out of the shoe store in disgust.

"That was good," Al said as he gave Naruto a firm handshake. "You have what it takes to survive the shoe store."

"Thanks," Naruto said as he grinned.

Meanwhile at the Bundy household, Kakashi was sitting on the couch reading his favorite book as he suddenly got a bad feeling. A dark shadow covered the room as a woman yawned and walked down the stairs.

"Hey, what time is it?" Peg asked as she yawned and pushed Kakashi to another side of the couch and sat down.

"It's three o clock in the afternoon," Kakashi replied as Peg picked up the remote and turned on the home shopping network.

"Where are the kids and Al at?" Peg asked as Kakashi shrugged.

"Shouldn't we pick up the house or something?" Kakashi asked as Peg laughed, picking up a box of bon bons.

"Yeah right," Peg scuffed as she took a handful of the chocolate snack. "If I start doing housework, Al will start actually expecting me to do things for him. And we can't have that can we?"

"Um, I guess not?" Kakashi replied as Peg nodded.

"Hi Mom," Kelly said as she walked into the door with Bud, Sakura, and Sasuke. "Guess what happen in school today?"  
"Besides Kelly giving it up for a shiny new penny," Bud interjected as Kelly gave him a smile.

"Yes, I also would like to say guess what did not happen in school today," Kelly said as she smiled at Bud. "Bud did not get a girl as always and is going upstairs to play with..."

"OK, what happen in school Kelly?" Peg asked as Kelly stuck her tongue out at Bud and continued.

"We were in lunch and this kid tried to attack Bud for stealing his lunch and Sasuke slammed him on the table!" Kelly said as Peg and Kakashi looked at Sasuke with a disapproving look.

"Sasuke, why would you use excessive force like that?" Kakashi asked as Peg shook her head.

"And why would you not have gotten me any of the lunch?" Peg asked as Kakashi looked at her, dumbfounded. "Do you kids ever think of your poor mother?"

"I'm home!" Al shouted as he walked in the house with Naruto, Naruto coughing from the fumes of the car. "A fat woman walked into the shoe store today..."

"Nobody cares Al," Peg interrupted as the phone rang suddenly. She answered it and smiled. "Oh hey Mom! You are what? Sure that would be fine! No, Al wouldn't mind!"

"Wait what?" Al asked as Peg smiled.

"My parents are coming to town!" Peg exclaimed as Al gulped.

"Ninjas!" Al shouted as he looked at Sasuke, Naruto, Kakashi, and Sakura. "We have a mission!"

Al has decided to start a war! Can he win? Find out next chapter!


	4. Woman!

Welcome to the newest chapter of Married... With Ninjas! I do not own Naruto or Married... With Children! R&R!

As Al overreacted to Peg's parents coming as usual, Naruto and the gang stood there as they watched Al run around the house, trying to find something that could protect himself.  
"Darn it, I smell like shoes..." Al muttered as he opened the refrigerator. "I need to find something to get that smell off me, she might think that I'm food..."  
"She can't be that bad can she?" Sakura asked as Al, Bud, and Kelly all laughed at the remark.

"She's as big as a house and as hungry as a mammoth," Al replied as Naruto chuckled at this. "The woman is so fat that she can barely even fit through the house!"

"Al, now stop making them scared of my mother," Peg scowled as she smiled reassuringly at the ninjas. "Now my mother is a little overweight, Al I will kill you if you say anything..." Al shut his mouth, prepared to make fun of Peg's mother again.

"But..." Peg continued. "She is a very nice person and only confused someone for food once and tried to eat them."

"They were dressed as a burger, and they had to call the fire department to pry her off his arm," Bud said as Naruto and Sasuke looked at each other in unison. "But don't worry, just make sure of you have food to stay at least 10 feet away from her if you want to keep your arms."

"Also, don't ever try to take food from her," Kelly warned. "She will literally rip your arms off..."  
"I'm so out of here!" Naruto yelled as Kakashi put a hand on his shoulder.

"Now kids, stop scaring them," Peg said as she looked at the kids. "Now go upstairs and make yourselves look nice for Grandma OK?"

"What do you want us to do, throw some ketchup on our heads?" Bud asked as he and Kelly walked up the stairs.

"Ninjas!" Al shouted as he walked up to Kakashi. "We now have a new mission. I refuse to stay in this house as long as that whale is residing here as well! You kids stay here, me and Kenpachi here are going to the Jiggly Room!"

"That's Kakashi," Kakashi corrected as Al completely ignored this. "And what and where is this Jiggly Room?"

"It's a strip club and it's located downtown away from Peg, the kids, and her fat whale of a mother!" Al exclaimed happily as he grabbed his coat from inside the closet.

"What's a strip club?" Kakashi asked as Al gasped, dropping his coat from his hand.

"You have never been to a strip club?" Al asked as Kakashi shook his head no. "Well let me tell you what a strip club is son. A strip club is a wondrous place where you get to eat cheap food and watch ladies get naked!" Kakashi's mouth opened wide after hearing this, everyone looking up at Kakashi.

"I guess I will have to check this place out to see if it is safe for you Mr. Bundy," Kakashi replied as Sakura and Peg sighed.  
"Such a man," Peg muttered as she turned on the television. "So what time you gonna be back home Al?"  
"I'm not coming back home Peg!" Al shouted as he headed to the door. "So don't go crying or looking for me got it?" Peg nodded as him and Kakashi walked out the door.

"Your not worried that he's leaving?" Sakura asked as she sat down next to Peg.

"Of course not," Peg replied as she picked up a box of bon bons. "He will be back dear trust me on this. You will understand that when you are married, they will always be back, no matter how many threats they make. Here, try a bon bon." Peg handed the box to Sakura, Sakura looking at the box skeptically.  
"Um, what are they?" she asked as Peg looked at her with shock.  
"You have never tried a bon bon before?" Peg asked as she sat closer to Sakura. "God, I have so much to teach you about a woman in Chicago!"  
"Are you getting a bad feeling?" Naruto asked Sasuke as he simply shrugged. "Maybe we should stop this..." Suddenly there was a knock on the door, Marcy and Steve walking into the house.

"Well hello there ninjas," Steve said as Marcy chuckled. "No missions today?"

"We're on our mission," Sasuke answered. Steve and Marcy nodded with smiles as they both went and sat on the couch.

"So you are telling me that you never had bon bons, never sat on the couch and just relaxed and have worked your entire life?"  
"Yeah," Sakura answered as Peg wrapped her in a hug.  
"You are in Chicago now dear, we will get that out of you," Peg said as Sakura took another bon bon.

"I really like these things," Sakura said with a smile as she took another bite.

As Al and Kakashi walked into the Jiggly Room, Kakashi almost fell as he watched lovely woman walk around and dance on the poles.  
"Best mission ever," Kakashi thought as he looked around with a wide grin. He put his book inside his pocket and sat down at a table with Al.

"Yeah, free popcorn and water for me and my friend here," Al said to a waitress as she passed the table.  
"Big spender," the waitress muttered as she walked away.

"So what do you think of this place Kenpachi?" Al asked as Kakashi looked around and watched the woman.

"This place is... magical," Kakashi answered with a glint in his eyes. "I'm so lucky the 5th Hokage doesn't know I'm doing this..."

"The five what?" Al asked as the waitress brought the popcorn and water. "Whatever, but here." Al handed Kakashi three single dollars, Kakashi taking them and looking down at them with surprise.

"What do I do with these?" Kakashi asked as Al pointed to the woman on the stage.

"Get them to dance for you," Al said with a grin as Kakashi looked at the money with widened eyes. Al guided Kakashi up to the stage as Kakashi handed one of the girls a dollar. Kakashi grinned happily as a the woman in front of him's bra landed on top of his head.

It had been at least ten minutes that Marcy and Peg had talked to Sakura. As Sasuke and Naruto listened in with fear, even Steve had gotten up from the couch and stood with the men as Kelly joined into the conversation as well. Bud joined with the men as well as they listen to the women talk about men.

"I have liked Sasuke for so long, but all he does is ignore me," Sakura said as Sasuke looked away, all the men looking at him.

"I say kick him to the curb and take out his organs," Kelly muttered as the women all looked over at Sasuke.

"This is bad, stop them loser," Sasuke whispered into Naruto's ear as Naruto laughed in response.  
"Sorry Mr. Cool, that is your problem now," Naruto said as Sakura continued.

"And then we have annoying Naruto, who stalks me twenty four seven and actually expects me to go on a date with him," Sakura said as Naruto looked with his mouth open wide.  
"You mean the blond haired troll right?" Kelly asked as Sakura nodded. Sasuke chuckled now as Naruto angrily turned away.

"You know, Steve doesn't even bother with me anymore," Marcy said as she took a bon bon. "He sits there with Al and his manhood and just ignores me! I'm so lonely!" Steve cleared his throat as he looked down at his watch.

"Um Marcy, isn't it time for that back rub you wanted me to give you?" Steve asked as the women all looked at him angrily. Steve shut up as the men all exchanged glances. As this occurred, Kakashi and Al walked in, smiling and joking as they walked into the living room.

"Wait, something is wrong, there is a disturbance," Al said as he looked around. He then looked at the couch, a bunch of angry women looking back at him. "Oh no, it's even worst then I thought. They let the herd go roam together! I know what's going on here... PMS..." The men all gulped as they looked back at the women.

Men vs. Women! Who will win in this battle of the sexes! And who will stop the hugeness of Peg's mom! Find out next chapter!


End file.
